Me and HIM

I wanted to write this a long time ago but again the normal excuse- I don’t have the time will always fill the ‘reason’ column. I found God again. I know God is always there but I haven’t been speaking to Him for a long time. Not intentionally at least. But a couple of months ago, I felt lost and alone. H and I we weren’t talking for many days. At that time I was face on with my friendship issues and Frasier was as elusive as ever and it so happened that at that time he was in one of his “leave me alone’ mode. I felt lost and not at peace. I remembered Alex called and asked me why I wasn’t picking the phone and I told her that I was praying. There was a long awkward silent and I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. After awhile, we laughed. I wanted to talk to her but I just couldn’t. I rather talk to God. I did and I felt a whole lot better after that. I have been doing that since. I miss the conversation that I used to have with Him. But now, I talked to him everyday. I ask him without fail everyday, to brush away all the hatred in my heart, to give me the strength to face everyday, every obstacle and to face my colleagues. I ask him to give me the passion and love for this industry that I am in. To give me good health and a peace of mind. I ask him to give me strength to fight temptations. To give me the courage to do what’s right. To stop my tears when someone I care about hurt me with outrageous request and hurtful words. To guide me when there’s no one there. To let me appreciate my family and friends more and vice versa. To let my friends know it in their hearts that whatever I do for them is out of love and sincerity. I asked God to always keep me humble and down to earth.
Somehow, I am much stronger now but there are still things that I find hard to resist and avoid. It’s the matters of the heart. It’s hard to do the right thing when your mind and your heart are saying different things. It’s a paradox. It feels so right but so wrong. It hurts when you are in it alone, feeling the things you are feeling alone, without anyone to talk to. It’s hard to keep up with this façade and carry on this act but this is my life. I have chosen this path and I am living it. Okay enough self pity for one night. I’ll write soon.Chao!