finding my voice

The long overdue padang trip entry. Sorry!

I told H last night that he was wonderful and through out the journey to work today, he has this smirk on his face that was adorable and irritating rolled into one. That was not what I wanted to write about here. I wanted to write about my trip to Padang. It was great, surprisingly. I will tell you why. It was daunting at first. Why? Because I told Dr M that I was presenting. It was not as if I had a choice. He asked everyone else whether they wanted to go but when it comes to me, it was “have you booked your ticket?” I’ve got a ticket to ride, I’ve got a ticket to ride and I don’t care! Hehe. The light and easy channel is getting to me with all the oldies which I love! Anyway, I booked my tickets three days before leaving and everyone else booked theirs months before. The 2nd reason as to why it a daunting trip was because well I was alone. None of my close friends wanted to go. Someone was supposed to keep me company and we were going to have an adventure as tourists but in the end couldn’t go because he hadn’t renewed his passport. He had only realized this at the last minute. So I had to go alone and also because I felt obligated to Dr M, that was why I agreed. I talked Zoey into going and I thought we could share a room together (the package was on a twin-sharing basis) , she agreed to go but she brought her hubby with her. So even before going I accepted the fact that I am bound to stay by myself which is a blessing in disguise because I am not comfortable sharing a room with someone I don’t really know. Nellie is staying with her hubby and daughter. So it’s just me, myself and I. I was at the airport at 5.45am. H sent me and after that he took Hannah back to my in-laws place. He said it is easier and she’ll be occupied playing with her cousins and she won’t ask about me as much. But she cried at night before going to sleep because mummy wasn’t there. I felt horrible when H told me when I called from Indonesia. Anyway, this is one of the sacrifices that I have to do to provide her all the best things in life. Ok. At the airport Nellie was with Sherry. I arrived at the same time with Adam and we sat together with Sherry and Nellie for breakfast. On the plane I ended up sitting with Sherry and her friend. We reached Padang at 9 plus and went straight to the hotel and it was no surprise when Sam gave me a room to myself. It was a nice room overlooking the sea. Nellie was always reminding me that we should go swimming when we have the chance. I was glad that she’s there even though we are not really close but at least she’s eager enough to be my friend. My voice was not coming out. It was due to my cough and lack of rest. I have been leaving the office late to finish my paper. I finished it and it was an amazing feeling. It was hell though trying to finish it. Alex said that I looked so stressed out that she should have video taped me in the midst of finishing my paper, crazy!. I wish she was with me. This is the first time I am presenting without her. Anyway, I regarded this journey as an adventure that sooner or later I have to braze through, alone without Alex. Sob! We were at the hotel for a few minutes and then we took off to the university. The journey there, Nellie sat next to me because her hubby and kid stayed at the hotel. It was beautiful and scenic journey. I saw padi fields, fish ponds and huge satellite dishes at almost every house we passed by. A weird combination but nevertheless interesting. We reached the Uni and saw Johnny and the rest of the gang. He looked happy. It was nice seeing him. The Big boss was there and surprisingly he raised his hand from far just to say hi to me. It was a nice feeling to be recognized by the big kahuna. Anyway, the official opening was interesting; the big boss was given a beetle nut leaf to eat as part of their welcoming culture. Interesting. Then there was the opening and then the speeches and the agreement signing. Then it was Adam’s turn to present. It was funny on how he changed his slang when he speaks to the public. His session was surprisingly long. Then it was lunch. I totally lost my voice. The hot food, weather and the lack of sleep didn’t help at all. Even in the hall we were sweating and you can see that we were using papers to fan ourselves and the Indonesians were sitting ever so comfortably and looking cool and compose and we looked like we were melting and it was an air-conditioned room! Geez! In the afternoon session, Johnny sat behind me, Nellie and Sherry. I was bored with all the Indonesian speaking presenters when that was supposed to be an international conference! I played with my camera, snapping here and there because I have no voice to speak! Johnny, Nellie and Sherry accommodated me. They were giving me zany poses and it was hilarious and it was so frustrating to laugh without a voice! I even talked to Johnny using sign language and he was very accommodating as well and at one point I got tired of signing and I wrote on a piece of paper and he wrote back. I guess he must have pitied me being alone without Alex. It was a trip of discovery. A discovery of a new place, discovery of me in a different setting, filled with different people in the background and at my side. A discovery of how resilient I can be facing such situation. I needed to find my voice literally and socially speaking in these foreign settings.It was hard at first and I guess GOD wanted to make it more interesting and took my voice for a few days and put me in a foreign place attached with some ‘foreign’ people, I mean they don’t belong in my group of friends. It’s funny come to think of it and Who says GOD doesn’t have a sense of humor, look at me and my predicament! I think I have faired quite well. Miraculously, right on the very second they called my name to present which was on the 2nd day, There’s a bit of voice came out. I spoke and presented and explained and I looked like I have been doing this for years. No heart pumping nerve wrecking situation, No need Nabil for a mouth to mouth resuscitation like Alex and I almost experienced during our first real international conference. I was fine and fit like a bull except for my husky voice. I wasn’t nervous at all. I was amaze with myself. It was an amazing feeling but I wasn’t nervous one bit. I guess deep down inside me I knew that three quarter of the people in the hall would be clueless with what I was saying because I was one of the three speakers that spoke in English in this so called ‘international conference’! Johnny took my photo during the presentation. It was an honor. Dr Darren said that I have the sexiest voice among all presenters. Oh stop! J After it was over, I was proud of myself and I wish my close friends and H were there to cheer me up. I felt alone but it was quite impossible to be in that gloomy place for long because Nellie was everywhere keeping me busy with things and her plans to shop for what, where, how many and the whole nine yards! I think she covered the 5Ws and 2Hs in every itinerary that she had planned for us. Just the two of us though. And I am thankful because during some of the crucial times she was my voice. Asking the receptionist for a glass of lime juice because she insisted that I needed one and when the Jawa don’t seem to have any asam jawa, how ironic! She was there with me. I am thankful. I wasn’t alone physically. Alex called me to check on how I was doing. She’s great! But very cheeky, she sms me at night to tease me and scare me about staying in a hotel room all alone. Very cheeky! Surprisingly, the people who were with me in the tour bus whom I wouldn’t consider them as my friends were just that. They became my friends. It’s the foreign country I think. They made jokes like normal people, I used to think of them as those who had originated from a new planet in the solar system (replacing Pluto) but amazingly it has taken Minangkabau to transform them into earthlings! There were some breakthrough jokes and hilariously funny ones such as mengawan solo. It was so funny and the mobile karaoke-ing. We were bored in the bus and it was a three-hour journey from Bukit Tinggi back to Padang. The driver put on an Indonesian karaoke cd and the men sitting behind me tried their luck at singing all those unknown song in Indonesian language and that has resulted in some funny instances. The last song which was a song everyone was familiar with (ayam bin lapih) and everyone sand and Johanny danced in the bus! It was a sight to behold and remembered forever. I sat at the back of the tour bus with Nellie. The funny thing was that, fate has it that I was supposed to sit with Johnny. It wasn’t planned, before we left for the tour, Nellie and I were the last to board the tour bus. When I boarded the bus I saw Johnny sitting next to my stuff. I was happy but it was awkward because there were too many people that belong to the old school of thoughts in the bus that it would be lethal if we did sit together. Johnny got up and Nellie came to the back to sit next to me. Oh well…next time then. I am glad Johnny was with us because he was very helpful, helping me with my bags and shopping. Explaining to me about a lot of things and there was once, I called Nellie and Sherry for an opinion about material for a kebaya. The shop owner had put up for the mannequin to wear the material. All the three of us were admiring the mannequin and both of them agreed that it’s beautiful. Then Johnny came and said that we all have the figures for it and we should buy it. I looked at him and ask him “nice or not?” he nodded and said “yes, very nice”. That was all it took for me to buy it. The last hotel we stayed in Bukit Tinggi named Pusako Hotel gave me the creeps. As soon as I entered the hotel and it was only 5pm in the afternoon, I got a really bad vibe. Nellie offered to keep me company and Sherry asked me to sleep in her room with another lady. I thanked them for their concerns but I bravely went through the night alone. As usual, I switched on all the lights and the tv and drank my cough mixture right from the bottle and went to sleep. I did the same thing the very first night I arrived in Minangkabau and the cough mixture will wear off around 6am but in that hotel, I got up at 3.30am and couldn’t sleep a wink after that. Something wasn’t right. When the clock strikes 6am I got up and got ready. The final night we stayed at this really nice hotel in Padang and the next morning we had to get up early to be at the airport. I was down at the café at 5am and I saw the senior guys were seated around one table and then Johnny came down. There was one seat left at the guys table so I let Johnny sat there and I joined Morgan’s wife and daughter who were sitting next to the guy’s table. We chatted and then the wife told me the history of the Spooky hotel that gave me the bad vibe. It seems that there were cemeteries next to the hotel and there were peculiar incidences that guests had experienced before ie. Finding yourself sleeping on the floor outside of the room the next morning etc. Eeee Spooky. I thank God, nothing happened to me. We were at the airport and Dr Darren agreed to let me share his luggage quota with him. I checked in with him and I was really glad that I survived the trip and that I was going home. I needed to go through this trip. I needed to see me in a different setting, different place, and different people. I needed to see how I would react mingling with literally strangers without having my comfort zone to fall back on to. I needed to find my voice in the midst of everything and everybody and Praise to God , I found it! I found me again!Thank you. Au revoir!