Living in the moment

Hi! I know I haven’t written in awhile. Been doing a lot of soul searching lately. What prompted me to write today is because I got a shocking phone call this morning from Alex about Jonah’s accident. The first thing Alex asked me was whether I had my hands-free device on. I was stopping at a red light and I quickly put my hands-free on. After that phone call, I continued driving to work, a little slower than usual. I had run many red lights before and later I found out, that was the cause of the accident. No..not Jonah, she’s a careful driver. Some hormone driven teenager with a kamikaze spirit who thought she could get away unscathed. Well she did but at someone else’s expense. Hmm..an eye opener for me. I told Alex, we have had many challenges this Ramadhan. There was a pause after that statement and then following by the cracking of laughter. We are a zany bunch. I haven’t been spending time with them lately. I was caught up with my old gloomy self. I have crawled out of the ditch, scathed and bruised mentally. I am broken and there are a lot of duck tapes plastered on my soul, mind and heart. I hate crying but I can’t help it in most instances. I’m done crying for now. Oh well no promises but at this point in time, the urge is not there. I’m going to start living in the moment. I’m collecting back my positive aura. I was clouded by too much negative aura the last couple of months and the peak of it was last Sunday. Now I’m on the mode to recovery. I am patching things up internally literally and figuratively. I need to be happy and leave the rest to GOD. It’s Ramadhan, the dark clouds have tainted my always magical and peaceful Ramadhan. When I was a child I love Raya and Ramadhan was a chore for me. It thrilled me to be playing fire crackers with the boys. I love watching mom and helping her makes kuih makmur-her specialty. And of course the green packs would make any child’s eyes twirl with joy. The significant milestone came when I was enduring my difficult and rebellious teenage years. That was when I started becoming a fan of Ramadhan. It’s the anticipation and the foreplay that excites me and of course the orgasm is great and all but it’ll last only the first half of the morning. Not the actual orgasm but the Raya mood that I’m comparing with reaching orgasm. Gosh! Very complex indeed!. I know, I’m curse for life for describing the holiest month of all with sexually connotes terms. But I think God has a sense of humor and knows that I mean well. Seriously! I do. I love this month, there’s always something magical and whimsical about it. It has always been magical to me. Back when I was in the two-bedroom quarters in Glugor. The atmosphere was always different during Ramadhan. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s more special. It puts a smile in my heart and invites all the positive vibes in me. Everyone is happier and nicer. Maybe it’s psychological but I noticed all this as I was growing up and hitherto, the feelings stay the same. My saddest moments would be the last hour of Ramadhan. The calling for Subuh Prayer the morning of Eid would be the most heart wrenching one. Yeah.. we have established with facts that I am weird and a little koo koo. So no point of going there again. The past two weeks of Ramadhan has been lackluster for me. I was too caught up in the rat race with myself (I know!) and I let the gloomy clouds engulfed me. That has prevented me from enjoying the true magic of Ramadhan. I’m glad that I’m out of the slump. Now I can enjoy the remaining half of Ramadhan. I am living in the moment. Living this day and month well with passion! Living in the moment. A forgotten revived mantra of mine! So..what are we waiting for…let’s start living in the moment!